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In the Event of Your Unfortunate Demise

  • Posted on March 25, 2010 at 1:07 pm

you are outside on a beautiful spring day, pulling a few errant weeds from the walkway leading up to your house. (i don’t care if you don’t have a walkway. just imagine one.) the sun is shining pleasantly down on your back, filling your heart with the warmth of the season. the sound of a distant plane, birds, and the rustling of leaves tickle your eardrums, as the scent of freshly mown grass and sweet flowers fill your nose. suddenly, you hit a particularly stubborn weed. you clench your biceps and lower your face to a half an inch above the dirt as you prepare to give a mighty tug that is sure to break the roots free. the world closes in around you, just as you close off the world in preparation for this massive feat of strength.

meanwhile, a cargo plane many thousands of feet in the air is soaring gracefully through the sky. it is quickly approaching your position, but it doesn’t matter because to the pilots, you aren’t even a speck on the ground. this particular plane is transporting vintage juke boxes to a museum. the pilots have turned one of them on just for fun on the long and boring flight, and are fooling with the controls. suddenly, a nifty jive comes on and spring fever hits them. they start to dance. as they’re exaggerating the grand finale, one of the idiots accidentally hits the emergency cargo release button on the plane. they watch, while scrambling for purchase so they don’t fall, as the jukebox disappears into the clouds. a feeling of “oh shit” punches them in the gut as the co-pilot begins to hyperventilate.

you, completely unaware of the drama above, continue with your gardening.

suddenly, you realize that there is a shadow blotting out the sun milliseconds before your whole world goes black. unbeknownst to you, you are sprawled out on the ground, like the victim of a cartoon safe-drop.

a crowd begins to gather, marveling at the really cool antique jukebox that has taken the place of your head. even more miraculous, is that it’s playing music!

my question to you: what song is it playing???

personally, i’m a big believer in sarcasm and irony. my song would have been “Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong about ten minutes ago. BUT five minutes ago “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash came on, and i realized that that song would be even more perfect.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun shiny day

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun shiny day

Look all around, there’s nothin’ but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin’ but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun shiny day

wouldn’t ya know it, i’m also the person who doesn’t want a funeral for myself when i die. i’d like to be cremated immediately, mkaythanx.  if my loved ones absolutely have to do something together in remembrance of me, i’d rather they just throw a nice party at my house in which they give my poor bereaved husband really good food so that he doesn’t feel so bad about not having to put up with my cooking anymore. oh, and if they really want to they can even reminisce about me… but i’d rather life just go on, rather than halt for the few hours it takes for people to poke, prod, and gawk at my dead body.

Thankful Thursday

  • Posted on at 9:31 am

this week, i am especially thankful for…

…memes. because when i have nothing to write about, but still want to write- there’s always a meme to fill out. :)

…Dave Ramsey and Jim Cramer. my husband is reading their books, and getting our finances so straightened out that we’re probably going to retire early.

…coupons. i always thought using coupons was kind of silly. i mean really… saving one dollar per shopping trip??? what’s the point??? but NOW, i’m getting seriously into coupon clipping (any advice is welcome, even if you think i’ve already heard it!!!) and i realize that every little penny counts.

…cloth diapering. i’ve saved $30 this month because i didn’t have to buy diapers. that’s an extra $30 in our grocery budget that i can put towards something else… and that’s awesome. :D

…my insanely smart little toddler girl who wants to be just like me, and my little boy who says he could just hug me forever and ever. because of my children, i strive to be a better person. because of my children, i have learned the meaning of true love. :)

…the last 7 years with my husband. we have gone through some serious shit together, and came out smelling like roses 7 years later. hopefully we can keep it up. :)

…coffee. without coffee, i wouldn’t be able to function when i get up with the kids every morning.

take a minute, and review what you are especially thankful for this week. :)

AND, to mix it up… one thing i am NOT thankful for, is the yumminess of chocolate Easter bunnies. i bought stuffing for the kid’s Easter baskets yesterday, and the chocolate bunnies i bought for them barely lasted 5 hours before my husband and i ate them. gonna have to buy another set before Easter gets here.