To: Depressing Grey Clouds,
We regret to inform you that your employment and presence above this city shall be terminated immediately, and you sent on a one week sabbatical for the following reasons:
-Poor performance in assigned duty. you see, DGC, you are here to pour life-giving rain onto the ground when needed. You are NOT here to hover over the trees for weeks at a time, smothering the blue sky without providing a drop of real rain. Your constant cold drizzle is damaging the morale of the other employees and hampering their ability to perform their given duties.
- Harassing Fellow Employees. We have received, on more than 5 separate occasions, complaints from other employees that you are trying to damage the health of, and even kill, other necessary employees by means of sun-deprivation. The sun itself also needs to perform its given duty, and unless you move on to other areas in need of your sustenance, it can not do so. You are causing harm to the mental health of paying tenants in our city. This is unacceptable.
- Damaging Company Property- There are flowers attempting to grow from the Soil, another of our valued employees. If you continue in this manner, you will damage them due to Sun Deprivation and Over-Watering.
The above actions are by no means the only reasons for your forced sabbatical. If you would like a more detailed description of your trangressions and the reason for your termination in this district, please contact our lawyer in the “We’re Sick of this Shitty Weather” department. (1-800-FUCK-OFF)
We would like to suggest you vacation in Washington State for the time being, as the Sun will soon receive a similar request to take your place in your current city of employment.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter. We look forward to your continued (but not excessive) presence throughout the Spring and Summer seasons.
Sincerely,
A Depressed, Sun-Deprived, Cold and Wet Housewife Who Wishes She Could Control the Weather
