Nobody's Nothings Life, the Universe and Everything

as a mother, i’ve done all sorts of things i never imagined i’d do.

as a mother, i’ve driven to a public place in my pajamas. i’ve watched Thomas the Train all day. i’ve broken lifelong friendships because i felt the other person’s lifestyle put my children in danger. i’ve even begun to respect my own parents and the difficult job they had raising 3 children, two of which were in diapers together. *gasp* i’ve also learned to determine the contents of one’s pants, by sniffing their butt.

no, not just anybody’s butt… my own children. my own diaper-wearing babies, specifically.

moms, you know you’ve done it before…or at least some variation of it. haven’t you stuck your finger down the back of your baby’s diaper and pulled it open so you could catch a glimpse of the treasure your child has produced? it’s practically the universal poop-checking action- at least until you get a finger-ful of smushy, all-the-way-up-to-the-band smelly turds. after that, most moms go with the sniff-the-butt action. it may be gross to get a schnoz full of poop-stink, but [in my opinion] it’s better than getting some turd fondue on my finger.

take today, for example.

i’m sitting at the computer, Mr. Nobody and my son are sitting on the couch, watching my daughter be cute and happy with an oatmeal raisin cookie in her hands.

next thing i know, Mr. Nobody says “ewwww! son, did you fart?!” cue a quick denial from my son, and Mr. Nobody’s head turns to me and says “Mom must have pooped her pants!”

hilarity ensues, and Little Boy Yoga laughs at mom as she gets off the computer and goes for the universal-poop-checking-action.

i couldn’t do the [careful] back of the diaper check because she’s wearing a flannel footed sleeper, so i do the next best thing… i bend down, and do a quick sniff-check. in my defense, for you non-believers out there, the smell hadn’t quite wafted to my nose yet, so i had to get closer to smell it. (if it was even really there)

oh yes.

there’s poop, and it’s definitely coming from the general direction of my daughter’s butt.

so what happens next? i scoop her up, cookie and all, and head to the bedroom while hearing my husband say “i think mom likes sniffing her daughter’s butt”. as my son burst into fart-inducing hilarity, i chose not to pay attention to the rest of that conversation.

my son was still laughing when i returned from disposing of the toxic waste.

we all have the stories, we all have the actions. letting go of self respect self consciousness is one of the best parts of motherhood, because it opens our eyes to the possibilities of the world, and it lets us live life for what really matters… the smiles and the good times, not the makeup and heels. (although those are nice sometimes too) yes, i sniff my daughter’s butt when i think she’s gone doo-doo (although in public i’m more likely to do it a little less obviously) and i don’t really care who sees me do it.

what things have you done since becoming a parent that you couldn’t have imagined doing in the “before times”?

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