i hate Valentine’s Day. it’s not that i’m lonely, or have an uncaring husband… in fact, he usually always comes up with some way to brighten my Valentine’s Day, even when it’s not Valentine’s Day.
still, the remains of Valentine’s Days past remain as ugly scars of my past. oh, it hasn’t been anything too terrible, but if you step in a pile of shit on the same day every year, even when you finally stop stepping in shit, you’re still gonna watch where you’re going.
my Valentine’s Day started getting shitty in Jr. High. you see, Jr. High is when everybody around me started dating. i, on the other hand, had just moved half way across the country and entered another school… i was shy, unknown, and had horrible fashion sense. i did not start dating in Jr. High even though deep down i desperately wanted to. i was among the few who had to watch her classmates have roses and generic teddy bears with balloons delivered to their desks at school while i got nothing. in school, i always missed out on Valentine’s day, and i hated it.
the first year i had a boyfriend on Valentines Day was my first year in college. my boyfriend at the time (it’s always the same boyfriend i talk about, fyi, as the only other guy i’ve been with is always referred to as “my husband”) also had a best friend. his “best friend” was a girl. i’m a great girlfriend. i’m loyal, understanding, and trusting, so when my boyfriend had a female best friend, i didn’t think anything of it. he was very open with me about her- even about how he had his mother send both of us flowers for Valentine’s Day. oh, but wait! he sent her flowers, and i betcha they were beautiful. who never got any flowers? on the first damn V-day in which she finally had a boyfriend? yep! that would be me. i was absolutely heartbroken, but never let him see it. well, i didn’t let him see it up until the point where i found out he was sleeping with her. make sense now?
yeah, so Valentine’s Day and i don’t have a good track record.
i’ve been with my husband for the last 8 Valentines Days, and i still don’t look forward to it. even if we had the option to make a big deal of it, i don’t think i would want to. a small gift and a card suit me just fine. flowers are always nice. last year i got a beautiful sapphire necklace, but he was on the road for work for V-day, so technically, my Valentine’s day sucked that year too. the year before that we were broke…
and the year before that, i totaled my cute little Jeep Liberty, slipping on the icy roads and pinballing between two rock walls at 4 o’clock in the morning, on the way to work. (i did a 6 month stint as a barrista at Starbucks) it was… terrible. if you know me, then you know how terrified i am of driving. i wish i could find a picture of my car for you… it looked quite scary. in the seconds after the wreck, i remember snow pouring into my lap through the break in the windshield. (the whole thing cracked in half, like a nutshell being squeezed by a nutcracker) had i not worn my seatbelt, i would have died. in fact, when my husband went to the wrecking yard to get my possessions out of the car, they asked him what hospital i was being held at. that Valentine’s Day, i got really, really lucky. i would have settled for some flowers, but ended up giving myself a new appreciation for my life instead. Happy Valentine’s Day to me. my kid didn’t even get anything that day, because i was going to get him something on the way home from work, and the postman left the gift my husband was going to give me sitting in the snow outside the night before.
i’m not sure how this Valentine’s Day is going to turn out. hopefully it will be a boring, uneventful day. maybe i’ll eat some chocolate, maybe i’ll just ride my bike. either way, i’ll consider it a success if i get out of it without having been cheated on or in a car accident. i’d like to not fight with my husband, and i’d like my kids to be healthy. i’d like to have a skinny day. yeah.