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Well THAT Was Awkward…

  • Posted on February 7, 2010 at 4:22 pm

awkward moments.

uncomfortable, unavoidable and unforgettable.

we all have awkward moments throughout our lives, and sometimes they impact us in a very profound way. a certain awkward moment which i don’t speak of anymore is the reason i don’t send pictures through my phone anymore. awkward moments can lead to strange compulsions and habits. awkward moments have ended friendships and relationships before they even had a chance to begin. even the word itself is awkward.

go ahead… type it out. AWKWARD. doesn’t the WKW and the extensive use of your left hand feel funny?

sometimes awkward moments can show someone’s true colors, and how we deal with that awkward moment says a lot about a person’s true self.

me? i like to avoid confrontation at all costs. unless my family is endangered, i will try very hard not to offend someone else- unless they specifically ask for an honest opinion from me. i love giving honest opinions, but they aren’t awkward, because they’re expected.

sometimes, even years later, i am left with my eyebrows raised and big, fat question marks over my head with the words “WTF???” circulating around my brain after certain awkward moments.

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for example:

back in the days of yore, when i was still a young, delusional college girl with an on and off boyfriend in another school, i had friends. i know, crazy right? i had friends that i actually hung out with, and chatted with via ICQ instant messenger. ( ICQ??? yeah, i haven’t thought about it in years either!) i lived in a dorm room both years i went to college, and because of my stupid boyfriend, i was holed up in my dorm room more often than not, waiting for him to get online. unfortunately, he almost never showed up online, (he was off having sex with his “best friend”) so usually i spent the hours chatting with other friends of mine that i went to school with. i was in the band, so i practically had built in friends as soon as i moved in.

one day, as i was chatting with a friend, he told me that he was setting up his profile on a social networking website, but he wasn’t sure if he liked his picture or not.

me? i was innocent. i didn’t understand.

i said, “well, show me the picture. i’ll tell you whether it’s good or not.”

he balked a little bit, but i persisted…i figured it was just a stupid picture, and i’ve seen him in person. i’ll be able to tell him honestly if it does him justice or not. why on earth would he be so reticent about showing me the picture?

eventually he sent me the url to his profile…

and it wasn’t myspace or facebook. (were they even around back then?)

it was a… racy… social networking site.

when the picture showed up, i didn’t see the dorky self portrait i was expecting, i got a full on cock shot.

not just a cock shot, but a close up picture of his hand, grasping his very erect and ejaculating penis.

after turning about ten different shades of red, with my mind racing as to what to say (i’d only even seen 1 erect penis at this point in my life) i went with the old “play it ignorant” facade.

i told him that where the picture was supposed to be, was a blank box with a little red “X” in the corner. we all know the box i’m talking about… the error message you get when a picture fails to upload properly. of course, that’s not what i was actually looking at, but he had no way of knowing. he tried several times to send me the picture, “failing” each time. eventually he gave up, i gave my excuses, and i signed out with a vow to avoid him at all costs from then on.

i don’t even remember his name anymore, so i’m positive i successfully avoided him from then on.

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the thing is, i still don’t know what to make of that situation. sometimes embarrassing things just happen, or you make a mistake and you apologize and move on. awkward moments are a part of life… but that one was entirely unnecessary. i can’t imagine what was going through that guy’s head that he thought i wanted to see that picture.

what would you have done in that situation? do you have any confusing awkward situations you’d like to share with the world? okay, not the world, but my own little [very little] blogosphere?

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Irritations

  • Posted on at 12:59 pm

today, i am in a mood.

yes, one of “those” moods.

everything is irritating me. surprisingly, it’s not every”one”, just every”thing”.

i’m irritated…

…that my friend is going through a hard time right now, and because of geographical complications, i’ll probably never see her again. thinking about that is irritating enough, but then it causes me to realize that i’ll probably never see any of my friends ever again for that reason. damnit.

…that my daughter has the sniffles, and her breath smells so bad i can hardly stand to hug her.

…that i’m on my period. it’s nature’s way of telling me that i’m not having a baby. nor will i ever have one again, even though most people my age are saying “maybe we’ll have more some day” rather than “never again”. which is where i’m at. it makes me feel like i’m 47, not 27.  it also puts my hormones into overdrive, and makes me so sensitive to smells that even my favorite foods don’t taste right. it fucking sucks.

…that it’s still cold. i hate the cold, and i feel like it’s sucking the life out of me. i want to get out of the house so badly today, but the kids are sick and it’s just too damn cold.

…because i want to go outside and take pictures of my children. i want to catch the blue sky, the green grass, and the colorful flowers. i want to feel the sun on my shoulders and the heat on my face as i walk outside, but it’s been cold and grey for so long i don’t know that i’d recognize the colors green or blue if i even saw them again.

…because the laundry never ends. someone has to fold it, which means i have to fold it. that means i get to sit in front of another goddamn episode of the fucking wonder pets if i want my kids to do something besides climb on my neat piles of clothing while i’m folding them. it also means i’ll be sitting, with my aching sore back getting worse by the minute.

…at the smell of pine and berries. it’s a lovely smell. it smells like christmas, and white sparkling snow. but i don’t want my house to smell like christmas anymore. i want my house to smell like sunshine and lavender. but me, being a dumbass, accidentally bought 4 winter scented refills for my febreeze plugins instead of just the 2 i needed. i actually had to unplug the one in my bedroom, because with my heightened olfactory senses due to my menstrual cycle, the smell was actually keeping me awake and giving me weird dreams.

…because today, i don’t want to be athletic. i want to sit on my ass and eat cake. i want to have dr. pepper, steak, and mashed potatoes for lunch. i want warm brownies and icecream for dessert. but i can’t do that, because i just saw fat people on tv, and i don’t want to look like that. i don’t want to feel like that. i’ve worked so damn hard to lose the weight that i’ve lost, and if i start doing stupid shit like eating cake and drinking dr pepper and not exercising, i’ll just ruin it all. so instead of eating a steak for lunch, i’m going to cycle after the baby goes down for a nap, eat a protein bar with my vitamins and hope that i can undo the damage i’ve done by eating cake for breakfast.

…because i just ate cake for breakfast.

…because i can’t eat cake for breakfast without sneaking it. in fact, i can’t eat anything without sneaking it because my daughter will follow me around chirping “some? some?” until she gets some. then she’ll end up eating more of my food than i did. i’m a selfish bitch, and i don’t want to share everything i get to eat.

…because today i want to get the kids into their swimsuits and go to the local shopping center and sit on a bench while they play in the fountains. but i can’t because it’s COLD because it’s WINTER. have i mentioned i hate winter? ugh. i also wanted to go swimming at the Y, but the sniffles and a developing cough in my son’s chest put a halt to all recreational activities.

…because i am feeling irritated and sorry for myself. now i feel like a total loser for having such a GREAT life and still managing to be miserable.

…because i’m lonely, but i don’t want to talk to anybody.

…because my son keeps talking about video games. he’s only allowed to play video games on the weekends, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking about them all the time. when he’s at school, they have computer time in which they have certain educational websites they go to and play educational games, and he’s always bugging me to get on my computer to play games online. now that he understands the concept of “going online” he sees all these stupid commercials for online games, and he wants to play them. i have yelled and snapped at him on more than one occasion because he just won’t shut up about “going online” or  ”that video game”.

…because my kids are just sick enough that they can’t go out, but they aren’t sick enough to rest. they’re bouncing off the damn walls from being cooped up, and if it wasn’t so damn COLD we’d all go to the backyard and run around a for a bit. but we can’t. because it’s cold, muddy, and snowy.

…that my vacuum clogged while i was vacuuming this morning. i had to wash the stupid filter, and now i have to wait for it to dry before i can use it again. how irritating.

…that my face is broken out more right now than it was while i was a teenager. i don’t know who started the rumor that once you grew up the acne would go away, but whoever gave me that idea needs to be shot.

…that it’s already noon, and i haven’t done jack shit other than bring a pile of laundry up from the basement and rinse out my vacuum filter.

bah.

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