i’m doing a little better today. i suspect my dear husband read my blog yesterday, and that motivated him to chuck me in the shower and send me off to the Saturday matinee showing of Avatar in Imax 3-d by myself. having those 3+ hours to me, myself, and i was pretty heavenly… i love my husband and children dearly, but sometimes it’s nice to not have to worry about someone else while i’m out.
when i was younger, that experience wouldn’t have been nearly so cathartic. even alone in a crowd, i’d still worry what i looked like, what other people thought of me, and the idea of sitting alone in the theater was horrifying.
now that i’m older, my career is literally based on taking care of other people and making sure they’re as comfortable as possible, even at the expense of my own comfort. i don’t have a job to leave behind at the end of a bad work day- i just pick up the pieces and keep going because my work is my home. i don’t get breaks. being alone in a crowd without worrying about where that little hand is, or whether or not there will be enough seats in the “good” section for my husband and i…. well, it was kind of nice.
i still missed my family terribly, but they were at home with my husband. my daughter was napping, my son was at a birthday party, and everybody was fine… including me. as i sat down in the theater with a massively overpriced bottle of water and gihugic bag of Skittles, i did the 1 thing i always do. i started talking to my husband.
well, i started texting my husband. don’t worry, i’m not one of “those” people- the previews weren’t even on yet. so as i’m talking to him, i realized my nose was running. i should have expected it… it’s winter, and my nose is always running in winter, on account of always being freezing.
i opened my massive purse of wonder, and began the search for a tissue. wouldn’t you know, i had everything in my purse- makeup, (that i never wear, but carry just in case) various medicines, pictures, cards, perfume, a multi-tool, a diaper, and in my coat pocket- various receipts, ticket stubs, and a pacifier. even when i’m alone my kids are still with me in spirit. 
no tissues.
as i stared in my purse, i began considering blowing my nose on a spare panty liner… yes, i was that desperate. i hate having a runny nose, and having one for the next 3 hours was unacceptable. i didn’t want to get up, because i had a good seat and people were still coming in. that’s the 1 disadvantage of being a single person at the movie theater- nobody to save your seat for you when you use the restroom.
i texted my concerns to my husband, and my idea to blow my nose in a panty liner when the lights dimmed, and he said “just leave your jacket on the seats”.
*headdesk*
yeah, being a mom really does damage your brain.
i left my jacket, used the restroom, blew my nose, washed my hands, grabbed some spare napkins for future nose-mergencies, and got back in plenty of time to watch the previews and enjoy the movie.
that’s when i started wondering: at which point did i stop becoming the girl who had to blow dry her hair every day, not be seen without makeup on, and always always try to be as perfect as possible? looking stupid was a deathly fear of mine. i would have been mortified to be seen in the company of a panty liner in public, let alone blowing my nose in one. (even thought it was clean)
at some point she was replaced by a woman who was comfortable throwing wet hair back into a pony tail and who carries diapers in her purse and pacifiers in her pockets, even when the children aren’t there. she was replaced with a woman who’d blow her nose in a pantyliner because she needed to, and not give a shit what the old man sitting two seats over thought. i like that. i’m still vain and i care way too much what people think about me, but i am much more relaxed, and have a better grip on the things that really matter in life.
as wonderful as the movie and the alone time were, it still didn’t go very far towards improving my disposition. i think my husband and i are suffering from lack of each other’s company pretty badly. since he’s taken the new position at work, things have been better financially, but the connections between the people in the house have become a little frayed. we spent the rest of the evening tense and restless.
after i got the kids to bed, i did the one thing i knew would relieve tensions in the house and go a long way towards salvaging the day.
i seduced my husband.
and WOW was it worth it. 
this morning i’m still tired and just a little bit off, but i can smile with ease and i feel like the noose that’s been trying to strangle me with emotions has been loosened significantly.
remember that next time you and your significant other just can’t seem to get on track. good sex does wonders for filling the void, releasing the stress, and reconnecting you with the one who mattered first.