…it hits like a Vampire on Fairy.*
seriously. i’ve been dreaming about junk food lately. not just any junk food, either. the holy grail of junk food… Chocolate. the night before last i actually had a dream i made a chocolate mousse pie. i could smell it. i could feel my mouth water. i wanted it so badly. but it was just a dream, and i have a child that’s been sleeping in 2 hour increments for the past.. year. i never got to the part of my dream where i actually satisfied my craving and took a mouthful of that luscious, dark chocolate pie. oh, the tragedy.
this morning i awoke knowing i dreamt about chocolate again, i just don’t remember what the exact form my desires took…i have a feeling it had something to do with the velvety texture and soft feel of a chocolate chip being bitten into. i made a batch of cocoa crackles the other day (because cocoa powder is the only chocolate we currently have in the house) and it just wasn’t the same. pillowy, cakey chocolate? just doesn’t have the same satisfying sweet burst of my favorite drug, solid chocolate.
i’ve been eating like a starving elephant in an attempt to satisfy this craving without actually satisfying the craving, and wouldn’t you know… it’s not working. so i’m left here, in my blog, moaning about my chocolate-less woes.
i reached my absolute low yesterday when i squirted some whipped cream onto my hand, (left over from K’s birthday cake) tried it, and was tempted to squirt the entire can directly into my mouth. i could do it, i knew i could. so i did the smart thing, and i chucked it in the garbage…after a couple more discreet mouthfuls. whipped cream may be decadent and delicious, but it’s just not the same as a Dove Dark Chocolate bar, and i know that while an entire can of whipped cream may be tempting to my tastebuds, it certainly wouldn’t satisfy the root craving…chocolate. i’d just be left with a waistline 10 sizes larger, and a bunch of regrets as i twitched on the floor from sugar and cream overload.
i have got to get a hold on these cravings. i forgot just how bad i am when my hormones are normal. hell, pregnancy was actually a nice change for me… they picked a spot, and stuck there. nowadays with them on the fritz through breastfeeding and Aunt Flo making an appearance whenever she damn well pleases, i’m gonna die a miserable death when my poor heart just decides to stop beating because it doesn’t have any real chocolate. or hormonal stability.
* i’m pulling my metaphor “like a vampire on fairy” from Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse vampire novels. later in the series, it is revealed that vampires have a thing for fairies. apparently, vamps are driven mad with bloodlust just by the smell of fairy blood. it’s like crack, only 50 times more potent and satisfying as hell. appropriate, yes?
