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[The Formerly Un-named] Halloween Post

  • Posted on October 31, 2009 at 5:53 pm

i’ll admit it, i’m slightly lost as to what to post today. i should probably say something about Halloween, but it’s just not that interesting to me. sure, the kids have their costumes, we’ve got some candy stashed away in a big plastic pumpkin for stray trick or treaters, and i’m playing Halloween movies on the TV today, but i just don’t feel “in the spirit” so to speak.

i’m not really a holiday lover… my best memories are always completely random and unexpected days. in fact, holidays usually manage to go horribly wrong for me. i blame it on expectations… everybody expects holiday’s to be special. they expect the day to be full of fun activities, good moods and good food. family bonding is supposed to be easier, and everybody is supposed to be oozing with the holiday spirit. i just can’t do it. i’m a terrible cook, and i am a horrible grump in the morning. even on Christmas. not to mention that the stress of making holiday decisions usually spins my head so fast it nearly comes unscrewed. then i really start to irritate everybody.

this year, we carved K’s birthday pumpkin… if you remember, E got a bouquet of flowers with her presents, and i wanted to get K something like that… but not quite so “girly”. so a pumpkin it was. K picked out the pattern, J traced it out, and i carved it. i’m rather proud of it, if i do say so myself. i also had fun playing with my camera and the glowing jack o’lantern.

SkullPumpkinSkullPumpkin1

true to “Nobody” holiday form, my trick or treating idea was a bit of a disaster.

while waiting for my son to get out of school one day, my eyes caught sight of a flyer for trick or treating in the historical downtown section of my town. the historical section of this town is very pretty… there’s lots of interesting shops and generous sidewalks that provide a safer alternative to trick or treating on the road to houses we don’t know. not to mention i haven’t been out of the house in a couple weeks, and i couldn’t pass up the chance to finally go somewhere i could window shop.  the flyer said “during normal business hours” so i figured we’d go around 4 and get the trick or treating out of the way with plenty of time to tend to the house trick or treaters, if we get any. (we’d better…we have TONS of candy)

so we get there… and with exception of a few stray dressed up kids, the shops are all but deserted. only 1 store had candy, and all the rest were completely out. which is remarkable, since it didn’t look anybody had been there to begin with.

so basically, we all got our costumes on for nothing. my husband went as Jason, my son is Boba Fett, and my daughter is a ladybug. i went as a Frumpy, Fat, Depressed, Indecisive Housewife. i know my costume sounds intricate, but believe it or not it didn’t cost a penny. just minor discomfort as i used a shoehorn to shove my muffin top into my jeans. fun. sadly, you won’t see any pictures of my amazing costume on account of me being behind the camera, rather than in front of it.

Jason

so… we piled back into the car, with a screaming baby and an irritated husband and went home. they are currently awaiting the sun to set so they can do some real trick or treating. i’ll stay home with the de-winged ladybug and hand out candy. (probably)

i did manage to get some pictures of everybody fully-costumed while the sun was still up, so i guess that’s a good thing. i totally forgot i wouldn’t be able to get pictures of the kids as they’re trick or treating… on account of the sun being down and all that.

sometimes, i’m an idiot.

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Fiction Friday: I <3 Fiction

  • Posted on October 30, 2009 at 6:00 am

it’s no secret that i love to read, and that my main literary loves almost always fall into the category of Fiction. the few Non-Fiction books i enjoy are written in a style, and are interesting enough, that they sound like fiction, even if they aren’t.

my love of books goes way back… from learning to read with Pickle Things, and continuing the feed the addiction with the Sweet Valley Twins. i actually miss the days in which i could read into all hours in the night, huddled under my sheets with a dying flashlight. after the Sweet Valley Twins grew a little too young for me, i moved on to R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series, then on to Piers Anthony’s Xanth series. Xanth opened the door for me, book-wise… it was the series that got me into fantasy, and will go down into history as my first true love.

i have recently combed through my book collection so i could trim the fat, so to speak. Also, i have recently been introduced to the wonder that is having a library near by, and i finally realize that i don’t need to own or buy tons of books to keep myself satisfied. it was kind of fun going through my books… it was almost like giving an old friend a call, or going through pictures and remembering ‘the good old days’.

during my cleaning spree, i found a few enemies- books that so disgusted me by their lack of fluid plot and interesting storyline that i literally threw the book across the room in frustration. i also found some near and dear friends, such as Stephanie Meyer’s The Host, a book i loved so much i read it at least 6 times consecutively.

i also found The Dragonbone Chair, of the Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn Trilogy by Tad Williams. i found that book in my mother’s pile of paperbacks when i was about 13 years old, and i read it so much, that the cover and a couple pages behind it fell off. i can still hear my math teacher in 7th grade calling my name, and then the metallic slam of his desk drawer as my book was sentenced to jail for the rest of the period. one of these days i’ll have to get that series in hardcover. one of these days.

because of books, i am best friends with Kellen the Knight-mage, Eragon the Dragon rider, and Richard with the Temper. they are there whenever i need them, and they never change. even if my entire house burns down and i lose everything but my life, i will still be able to find them again. i can go to any library or bookstore and be guaranteed to find at least one new best friend if i look hard enough… there is no end of books to be had.

recently, my quest for new ‘friends’ has taken a bit of a toll on me. i just don’t have the energy lately it takes to fully absorb a new book, and because of that it’s almost depressing to look at my library shelf, see all those new books, and know that i really don’t feel like reading them. i think maybe it’s time to remember and re-visit some old friends. the question is, which ones?

i don’t want to get involved in an epic series at the moment, no matter how good it may be. that automatically rules out the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. i just can’t read a series that good without wanting to read the whole thing, and there are… a lot of books in that series.

i’m a little bit mad at Christopher Paolini right now (not that he cares) for continuing to drag out the Eragon series as long as he has. will he ever finish writing the damn books? i don’t know. the series is wonderful so far, but re-reading the series is like being on a virtual roller-coaster that breaks down mid ride. it’s no fun if you can’t finish the ride, ya know?

possibly it’s because i just finished watching the Scream awards, and therefore watched the trailer for New Moon, but i have a hankering to read the Twilight series again. SOMEBODY STOP ME PLEASE! part of my brain says “remember what happened last time you read it???” and another part answers back “maybe it’ll be different this time…” i don’t want to put myself through Bella’s incessant whining, or see the flat i-just-stuck-my-finger-in-a-socket face of the theatrical version of Edward every time i turn the page. i’ve read the series 3 times, and each time i read it it got worse. a 4th time just can’t be healthy, can it? maybe it’s just Stephanie Meyer i want to read again. sure, i’ve read The Host about 6 times, but it’s so damn good, a 7th time can’t hurt, right???

*sigh* decisions decisions. i wish that this was most difficult decision i had to make all day. what a wonderful world it would be, eh?

***ETA: i figured it out. it’s rainy and cold and icky outside…so it’s making me want to read Twilight. the author puts so much emphasis on the overcast miserable weather, that i think my hankering to read the book is due to similar weather over here. it’s an interesting development… i didn’t know that shitty weather prompted the urge to read a shitty book. i’ll have to keep that in mind. now where the hell is my copy of The Host…

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Webster’s Wednesday: Rugose

  • Posted on October 28, 2009 at 11:29 am

rugose • \ROO-gohss\  • adjective

*1 : full of wrinkles
2 : having the veinlets sunken and the spaces between elevated

Example Sentence:

Sam has happy memories of being a child in his grandmother’s lap, stroking her soft, rugose face.

Did you know?

“Rugose” was borrowed into English in the late 17th century from the Latin adjective “rugosus” (“wrinkled”), which itself derives from “ruga” (“wrinkle”). One descendant of “ruga” that you’ll probably recognize is “corrugate,” which initially meant “to form or shape into wrinkles or folds.” Another, which might be more familiar to scientists, is “rugulose,” meaning “finely wrinkled.” In addition, there is the noun “rugosity,” which can refer to either the quality or state of being full of wrinkles or an individual wrinkled place. 

*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence.

i admit, when i saw this word, i immediately thought of the last time i posted, and decided to go ahead and use it just to get it out of my head. when i read this word, i can’t help but say it with a slightly aristocratic accent- “Why, that bulldog is positively rugose!” okay, fine. it’s a stupid word. shoot me for lack of inspiration.

actually, i was sorely tempted to go elsewhere for Webster’s Wednesday this week. i started reading a book by Ammon Shea called “Reading the OED”. (OED = Oxford English Dictionary) i haven’t gotten very far into it yet, but so far it’s very interesting. basically, it lists a bunch of interesting words from the OED and has a few funny quips about them. they’re words that, for the most part, haven’t been used in hundreds of years and just like delving into old patent files, some of these words are quite amusing. sadly, i’m a lazy ass and i just don’t feel like getting up to get the book from its place on my library shelf.

*sigh*

maybe next week.

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The Twatlace

  • Posted on October 27, 2009 at 9:16 pm

a friend of mine at A Surprisingly Sane Blog found and posted about this today, and i absolutely have to share it with you. it made me laugh. it made my jaw drop. it made me blush ten shades of crimson, and it made my eyebrows draw up into my forehead so far they may never actually come down again. if you’re in work or at a public computer, you may want to hold off on clicking the link. sorry. just remember to come back when you get home, because as horrifying as it is, it’s something you’re not gonna wanna miss.

behold, the Twatlace. or, as the maker of this fine piece of jewelry calls it, the Vulva Portrait Pendant.

—————————————-

OMFG RU SERIOUS??? yes, apparently they are. okay, i get the whole respect for the vag thing. i really do. after reading why this person does what they do, i get that it’s most likely a coping mechanism for dealing with a traumatic childhood full of rape, abuse, and self-hate. i honestly hope that this person has found their place in life making these Twatlaces, and that making them makes the artist happy. (’cause as vulgar as it is, it’s definitely art)

personal feelings aside, each piece is definitely an individual work of art that probably has a place… uh, somewhere. probably right next to that woman who casts rock star penises for a living. hell, i may even get my husband a set of boob pillows for christmas. no, not really. i could probably make them myself… anyways.

personal feelings about these necklaces taken into account… they really freak me out. i can honestly say i’ve never seen a vagina from such a straight on, exposed point of view. sure, i’ve done the mirror thing before… most healthy women have. but ladies, vaginas are between our legs for a reason. they’re only meant to be revealed to partners whom we choose, and they certainly aren’t meant to be viewed by ourselves. i am not a lesbian or a narcissist and i don’t want anybody other than my doctor or husband to know every wave and wrinkle my vagina is sporting. i think i’ll pass on one of those things.

who the hell would want to wear that? sure, penis earrings are funny at a bridal shower, and my husband and i once had a boob stress ball we got in a grab bag at a sex shop… but that’s just it. they’re supposed to be funny. they don’t take themselves seriously.  this artist is dead serious about vag empowerment and showing off your (or someone else’s) vagina on a necklace, key chain, or cellphone charm. they are just too detailed to be funny as a gag gift. i admit, the one on the very bottom almost looks like a lily, (so that’s why it’s called “gilding the lily”) and it’s *almost* but still definitely not pretty. again i say, who would want to wear something like that? i have a sneaking suspicion that the only people buying those things are sexually repressed freaks who want to use it as a masturbation prop. somehow, i don’t think that’s what the artist had in mind, ya know?

i think the artist should have a set up in some swanky New York studio where they can host dinner parties with other artsy-fartsy people who will “get it”. NOT set up on etsy where soccer moms are looking for cute homemade items. but then again, i don’t think the swanky New York snobby artists would be into a Frida Kahlo Uterus Plushie either. i’m not sure where Twatlaces place is. if you figure it out, let me know so i can go the other direction, mmkay?

this actually tops the free box of tampons on Craigslist someone posted about on Facebook the other day.

damn.

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Baby Einstein SCAM

  • Posted on at 3:08 pm

apparently, Disney is offering a refund for Baby Einstein videos. it has been revealed that parking your baby in front of the television to zombie out to the sultry sounds and visual effects of Baby Einstein won’t turn your kid into a genius.

NO SHIT????!

well fuck me sideways with a spoon i want my money back! and here i thought that we had finally discovered the magical easy way out of parenting. you mean i’m actually going to have to have a conversation with my toddler? that they won’t learn intrapersonal dynamics and mathematical skills by watching little toys speed across the screen while listening to Bach? my child won’t be reciting particle physics when we’re done with the dvd???

i am so disappointed.

oh wait. that’s not why i bought Baby Einstein. i bought it because it affords me a blessed 30 minutes of relative silence while i load the dishwasher, or dry my hair. it helps calm a pre-bedtime melt down, and it does expose my kids to classical music in a fun, interesting way they can relate to. that’s why i bought Baby Einstein videos.

what i want to know, is what kind of dumbass complained so much about it, that they forced it to become a news article? a popular news article.

c’mon people! use common sense. of course a damn dvd isn’t going to make your kid into a genius. realistically, kids shouldn’t be watching tv at all… i’ve always considered Baby Einstein to be the lesser of the evils. (for the record, my 15 month old is watching nick jr. RIGHT NOW)

first of all, not everybody can be a genius. i know, it’s a hard pill to swallow… but not everybody’s kid can be the next Stephen Hawking, and even if he could, i’m pretty sure that Baby Einstein doesn’t cover Theoretical Physics.

i think that the people who actually thought Baby Einstein would make their kid smarter, and then bitched and moaned about it when it didn’t, should probably step back and re-evaluate their parenting methods. (or lack of such) when teaching your children new things (making them “smarter”) you actually have to teach them. that involves personal interaction. sadly, some parents nowadays don’t actually want to work for their little mensa members. the idea that there’s an easy way out of parenting cast such a lovely sparkle, that it must have put their brains into seizure…i think that if a person doesn’t want to work with their child to help them, then they probably have no business having kids in the first place. or at least own up, and admit that you just want your kid to shut up for 30 minutes so you can prepare dinner. don’t expect miracles from a dvd.

mostly, i think that getting upset because Baby Einstein videos won’t turn your kid into a genius, is just plain stupid. i own several Baby Einstein videos myself, and i never for one minute thought it would make my kid smarter… i just thought it worked a little better than its competitors in keeping the kids quiet.

speaking of such kids, i have to go pick one of them up from school. because that’s where kids go to get smarter when their parents (such as myself) feel they don’t have the qualifications to help them blossom into genius’s.

*eyeroll*

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