Nobody's Nothings Life, the Universe and Everything

what is that special something that draws two people together?

over the years i’ve watched hundreds of couples get together, leave each other, and a few die loving each other with their every last breath. no two of those couple were alike at all. what is it that single similar thread that keeps them together?

i don’t remember exactly where my husband got this, but he said any two people can be friends, as long as they can figure out why they need each other. i think that statement pretty much covers the basic necessities of friendship and romantic relationships. that’s why people stay together, isn’t it? they need each other to some extent, even if it’s just the comfort of an understanding ear.

of course, when i get thoughts like that in my head it always leads to me picking apart my own relationship with my husband… it makes me wonder what exactly has been keeping us together all these years, because if you know me and you know him- you know that we are polar opposites of each other. i like to think of us as puzzle pieces, being completely opposite, but fitting together perfectly.

oh, it hasn’t been easy. when we first got together we lit the sky with romance and passion, but it quickly fizzled in the face of an unexpected pregnancy, and responsibilities too heavy for our young shoulders to bear. luckily, we figured out why we needed each other, and we waited out the storm with each of our own designated responsibilites- me raising our son, and my husband raising the money to care for our son. now that the storm is over, we’re floating in calm waters, and i feel safe enough to look back on our relationship to… well, pick it to death like i tend to do.

so what is it that keeps me with my husband? well, i don’t particularly believe in the concept of soul mates. i try not to think too hard into spiritual matters, because my tendancy to question everything leads to more questions than answers. it’s extremely frustrating, and there’s only so many times a person can ponder the expanse of the universe before saying “fuck it” and just try to live a good life.

i love my husband, because he makes me laugh until i feel like my ribs are caving in. i love my husband because i am more comfortable with him than anybody else in this world. i love my husband, because out of every person i have ever known, he comes the closest to understanding my thought processes, and he loves me despite it. i love my husband because he works his ass off to provide for the children and i, and he always manages to spoil me. i love my husband because he isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong, and i love him because he isn’t afraid to tell me when i am wrong.

i love him because he speaks Nobody. it’s not an easy language to master. “you know, that thing over there with the thing we saw on that box with the stuff in it the other day”. do you know what that means? well, my husband does. that my friends, is priceless.

i love him because he is tall. i have nothing against short guys as friends…but i went to prom with a short guy, and the son of a bitch actually made me wear flat shoes and hunch over in our pictures so we’d be even in height. ever since the destruction of that relationship, i’ve had a thing for tall guys. i love his broad shoulders, and i love the way i always seem to fit perfectly when i am enfolded into his arms.

i also love him because his interests have nothing to do with my interests. i also had a boyfriend once (prom guy) who was in a band. he wrote music, and played the base guitar in a jazz band, and never hesitated to explain to me just how great he was. i was also in a band…albeit a college jazz band, and the one time he lowered himself to watching a concert i was in, he walked out and waited in the hallway, and missed my solo. because of him, my love of music and jazz died a brutal, humiliating death (because i’d never be as good as him, as he told me many times. that one incident was just the tip of the iceberg) and i love that my husband doesn’t have anything to do with music. he can play music, but he’d rather play with a car engine, and that’s just fine by me. i know that if i had been in a jazz band while i was with my husband, he would never have missed a performance, and he would have told me i was great.

i love that my husband loves me. i have no idea why…but he has stuck with me, and fought for me through 2 pregnancies, and a body that has fluctuated between 120 and 185 lbs over the last 7 years. i love that he knows how bat-shit nuts his mother really is, and stands by me when she loses it. i love that he stands by me when i lose it.

i love our children. without him, they wouldn’t be possible and every time i think about how life just wouldn’t be worth living without those two munchkins, i have my husband to thank.

jealous yet? don’t be. we have our moments of discord. in fact, the stories he can tell that start with “that stupid bitch…” (when referring to me) probably far outnumber the stories that would start with “my loving wife…” luckily, all his stories start the same- “that son of a bitch…” mostly because he is, in fact, the son of a big, gaping unholy bitch. (i wrote that for his benefit, because he just joined me on the couch, and began reading over my shoulder)

so what is that special something that keeps people together? i think it is a fluid concept. it evolves and changes over the years, just as people do. it is shaped by previous encounters, and it is shaped by what we, as individuals, need from other people. it is also shaped by situations… because sometimes, people are put in a situation in which they have to stay together, and by the time they’re done… they have changed and evolved enough to depend on each other enough that they need each other just to live.

at least, i think so.

i’ll probably change my mind twenty years from now, depending on how my life shapes itself from here on out… but that’s where i stand for now.

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