Nobody's Nothings Life, the Universe and Everything

nonono, it’s nothing serious, so if you don’t want to waste your positive thought power on my family and me, i completely understand. no biggie. but still. we’re going through some major re-structuring right now, and in the end we’ll either come out smelling like sunshine and roses, or we’ll go down in a glory of flames and misery. i’m voting for sunshine and roses. 

anyways, we’ve decided to go full throttle with the coffee business- which means that J will soon be quitting his “real” job. luckily for me, (or not? i don’t know) i have so little education and work experience that putting our kids in daycare isn’t an option…i would spend more money on daycare than i would actually make! not to mention that finding a job in this economy for someone like me is all but impossible. so i still get to be a stay at home mom. but we definitely need some serious “happy go well vibes” for this venture…if this doesn’t work out, we’re pretty much up the creek. J’s “real” job gives us everything- insurance, retirement, etc. when he resigns, we’re going to have to get ahold of all that stuff on our own, and if the coffee biz tanks, then so will we. so we’re basically on the edge of our seats, hoping that a lot of hard work and persistence really will pay out. we’ll see, eh? 

there’s a second half to all of this…we’re moving. out and away from MIL. we originally moved in with her because we didn’t want her to be alone. you see, she has no brothers no sisters no friends. she just has her elderly mother. when her mother dies, MIL would be completely alone in the world, except for J. so we moved in with her because we figured it would happen eventually anyways. 

well, after we built our addition onto her house she finally got off her ass, stopped mooching of her mama’s retirement, and got a job. now she has a few friends and even a boyfriend. she is currently working on marraige lucky number 7, and we don’t want to be anywhere near that when/if it happens. J is so sick of her bullshit, that if his hair wasn’t already thinning (poor guy!) he’da pulled it out by now. so we’re pulling up our roots, and moving back into the city where we won’t have to drive an hour to get to our cafe or customers. 

sadly, finding a house will not be easy. we aren’t buying…2 years ago we made the decision to foreclose on a house so we could move in with MIL sooner. yeah, it was a mess. basically, we’ve done the home owner thing, and now mortgage companies won’t touch us with a ten foot pole… not that we want them to. we’re still a little gun shy when it comes to buying a house. we’re just not ready for the commitment. maybe after we’ve lasted more than 5 years in the same community, or even city, we’ll think about it. so far we’ve moved 5 times in the last 6 years… so no, we’re not ready to buy a house yet. anyways, we’re going to look at a house today in a very nice neighborhood, with a very nice school district. if we can talk the landlord down just a little bit, and the house is decent, then we’re going to go for it. anyways, a lot of things have to happen to make this work… i’m pretty nervous. 

we’re pretty much turning our lives completely upside-down in the next couple of months, and i feel like i could jump out of my skin and fly into a million pieces with the stress, risk and nervousness of it all. 

anyways…that’s my story for right now. and it’s also why i just can’t seem to get words out lately. it’s kind of like being constipated…there’s so much shit stuffed in my head it’s having trouble fitting out my mouth….

okay. enough gross metaphors. 

i’m going to ride some stress off, then make a coffee delivery. then check out our prospective new house. 

wish us luck!!! (please!)

so, we’re thinking about moving. we have to go all or none with the coffee shop. which basically means, we’re either going to shut down the roasting business (therefore no coffee shop) and go with the “real” job, or quit the “real” job and take a chance with the coffee business. i don’t really care which we go with, as long as we’re okay. in the process of doing all that, we’re also thinking about relocating to the city. that means either renting an apartment or a house, and yet another move. again, there is so much going on in my brain right now, i feel like i want to fly into a million pieces.

to top it off my daughter is one belly drag away from being completely mobile. 

as i am watching her right now (i can type without looking…go me!) she is flip flopping and scooting on the carpet…about three feet away from the big blanket i generously laid down so she could stay off the floor. she is forgoing all the shiny plastic, brightly colored toys in favor of feeling the carpet fluff between her fingers. thank goodness i vaccumed today. looks like i’m gonna have to look into a bigger play pen sooner than i hoped. not that i don’t want my kid to develop and all that…i’m just not personally ready for it. 

let the chasing begin. 

keep in mind, i’m talking about a real bicycle…the kind you can take outside and actually go places on. 

so, the first and easiest option is to get a trainer. basically, it props up the back wheel (the actual wheel the pedals turn) and spins in place. that’s the kind i use. i can use the gears on my bike to up the resistance in the last few minutes of my ride (i time it) and lower it down when i’m cooling down. i even have a book stand on it because sometimes it’s easier to make my mind think about something other than just how damn tired i am while i’m spinning away. 

the other option, the one my husband uses, is called rollers. basically, you put your bike up on these…rollers…and start riding. you can’t zone out with a book, because the front wheel is spinning too. if you lose your focus and the front wheel turns, the whole bike turns with it. it’s great training for real road riding. it’s pretty difficult, though. 

today, i told J that i wanted to give them a try. i knew they’re more difficult, so i didn’t want to do my whole allotted excercise time on the rollers, but i wanted to get an idea as to how difficult they really are. 

now i know exactly why my husband has lost over 20 pounds in the last 4 months. 

he was right there next to me the whole time, and i was riding next to a buffet table. thank goodness, because amidst the laughing and screeching, i was catching myself from falling over, and he was using all of his sexy bicep muscle to keep me from crashing my very expensive bike onto his very expensive rollers. 

i only did it for about 5 minutes before i decided to get back on my trainer and finish out my daily sweat session in relative peace. i even had to break out my ipod, because before i even began my real work out, i was too freakin tired to focus on my book. 

so if you ever see someone on rollers, respect the skills. 

i was up every hour until 3. 

so i fed the baby, and when she was done i started searching for her pacifier. 

it was on the couch.

my dogs like the couch, so the paci had dirt and hair stuck to it. it wasn’t too bad, but it definitely needed a rinsing. 

luckily, i had a glass of water next to me, so i decided to swish the paci in there and get myself another glass of water after i laid her down. 

paci cleaned, baby layed down and asleep. yay! 

i sit down on the couch to finish watching the comedy channel, and take a nice, refreshing long swig of water. i almost finished the glass. 

it very slowly dawned on me what i did….

i’m hoping that by writing this down, i will forget what happened and i can more successfully fight my gag reflex….ewwwwwww.