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How to Keep a Boy Out of Trouble

  • Posted on February 28, 2009 at 3:03 pm

i figured it out. the secret to keeping boys out of trouble. yes, i realize that juvenile work programs have understood the answer to this for years, but i had to figure it out on my own.

keep him busy.
yes, keep him busy. give him chores to do- but (especially when they’re young) have them do the chores WITH you. it’s a triple whammy of positive energy. you get to spend time with your darling son, and you get work done while being a positive influence on his work ethic.
and now for the personal bits.
how did i figure this out, you ask? well, my poor kid has been getting himself into trouble constantly for days now. it’s just little things (he’s a good kid) but his daddy tends to take things like bad manners (mainly speech interruptions without saying “excuse me”) and general brattiness for the sake of attention (today he was sticking his fingers on the touch pad of my computer while i was using the mouse- just to get a rise out of me) and make him cry.
don’t get me wrong- it’s really easy to make this boy cry. so far he’s had his “little big planet” playing priveliges revoked and a nifty hat taken away. both were occasions for tears according to my son.
finally i got fed up with hearing my husband yelling all the time and battering my son’s poor self esteem to a mushy mess, and i encouraged him to follow me around the house while i did my daily chores and help me out.
boy, was he excited. while it is slightly annoying having to find little things that his little (clumsy) hands can do, it is more than worth the annoyance to see him brighten up because he’s not only getting attention, but he’s feeling useful. even the constant “what can i do next, mom?” is worth it because i LOVE seeing that kid happy, and i really HATE seeing him sad.
i’m sure that theory also applies to little girls…but right now my little girl hasn’t even successfully said “mama” yet, so i can’t quite test it out. i’ll let you know in a few years what happens when i do, though….
now i’m off to see if we have the proper ingredients to make some pumpkin cookies. the recipe is from a really cool board book we just bought at B&Ns…it’s cookie monsters cookie recipes or something like that .
actually, it’s just an effort to get him doing something else so he doesn’t get bored and start irritating his daddy again, but i am always willing to reap the benefits of work…such as eating pumpkin cookies.
peace out.
Edit: we can’t make pumpkin cookies. i don’t have any nutmeg. who the heck doesn’t have 10 year old nutmeg sitting around the house??? apparently a woman who goes through her food cabinets once a year to chuck out the outdated stuff. mainly, me. boo to that. it’s on my shopping list, but will be a week or more before i can make them. :( me sad.

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Pondering My Life Thusfar….

  • Posted on February 26, 2009 at 10:39 pm

you think that pregnancy is an amazing? the miracle of birth is amazing? that the little baby bouncing on your knee smiling and lauging is amazing? well, yes it is. but today i am absolutely struck by the incredible fact of my son. i have managed to keep another human being alive and as healthy (as he could be) for over 6 years. holy crap. there were times where i had a hard time keeping myself alive, and now i claim that my greatest love is making and keeping another human being alive and happy and healthy.

i’m a mom.
only other moms will understand this. moms with only little babies to their names won’t quite understand it, but moms with young children will. moms with older children will smile their secret smiles and whisper in their heads “wait until that child grows up, then she’ll really know…” and moms with grandchildren- well, i can’t even comprehend that.
how on earth did that fat smiling little baby boy turn into the tall handsome little boy who is asleep in the top bunk of his bed right now? i just don’t get it. wasn’t it just yesterday i was changing his diapers?
all of this was brought to mind today while i was looking at E playing and laughing in my arms. someday i’ll look at her and wonder where that happy, sweet baby went. i’m not sure yet what will replace her, but she’s my child and i know it will be wonderful.
i always made a point during my pregnancies to think “someday i’m going to have a baby”. i couldn’t really imagine what it would be like, but i enjoyed sitting there for just a moment and stamping that second into my brain so i could take it out later and examine it, and remember just how unknown it all was.
there was a point during my pregnancy with K that i remember standing there with my hand on my belly thinking “someday i’m actually going to have a child…someday i will actually have a two year old child.” the thought was so foreign…i don’t remember much of my pregnancy with him, but i took that moment and stamped it in my memory so i would always have some perspective to draw on. now i don’t have that 2 year old anymore, i have that 6 year old. was he really small enough to fit in my tummy? did i really nurse him and change his diaper? i can’t imagine it anymore. looking back on his babyhood it feels like a really good book i just read. almost real enough to touch, but nothing but a projection of my imagination. what is real is the boy i play video games with. the boy who tells me he loves the little girl on his basketball team, and the boy who brings home drawings made just for me. that is real…but one day it will be just a memory. it will be another page in the book of my life. i look foward and think “someday i might have an 18 year old boy. someday, he might move out of the house”. but those are blank pages yet to be written, and i feel almost sad when i gaze at him now. i want to bottle up all these little moments so i can keep them forever. my memory isn’t very good and i know that 10 years from now all that i remember will be flawed.
i try to capture those moments with my daughter. i try to remember the softness of her skin, and the sparkle in her eyes when she smiles. i try to remember her chubby little cheeks, or the way her long little fingers feel when they’re wrapped around mine. i know it is all futile…i tried to bottle up the same moments with my son, and because i can’t recall them i know they are forever lost to me.
maybe that is why i want more children so badly? i just don’t want it to end. the sweet smiles, the absolute love and trust. the sleepless nights are hard, and it is so hard to watch them when they’re sick and know there’s nothing i can do but help ease their discomfort. when E morphs overnight into a little girl, and not just a baby (because i’m pretty sure it really does happen that sudden) i will be losing a part of life that i love. a part of life that i didn’t want to be without for many more years yet.
it’s like finding a hobby you really love- say bicycling, or fishing, or even cooking. then just stop doing it. do it everyday for five years straight, then never do it again. yeah, when you cycle you get hurt when you wreck, and it sucks, but it doesn’t stop you from loving the sport. sure, fishing is nasty and smelly but you love it. yeah, okay you burn shit sometimes and ruin good food, and it doesn’t always turn out right, but you love the creativity in cooking and it doesn’t stop you. that’s me and mommyhood. it’s what i love to do. sure, the shit stinks and the sleepless nights are hard, but the the idea of going without the sloppy kisses and sloppier pictures, never picking out a onesie because it’s just too cute or resting my cheek on a soft little head or cradling a little baby in my arms hurts.
but it’s also an idea that i just have to get used to. because (no, i’m not a complete moron) babies aren’t bicycles or fish or a gourmet meal. they’re human beings that shouldn’t be brought into the world just because “i want another one”. in reality, we can’t afford more children. in reality, i probably shouldn’t have more anyways for a number of reasons that ends with me going to therapy and popping happy pills. (which i’ve been lucky enough to avoid thusfar) i know that me not having more children is best. but i just can’t shake the desire. maybe my instincts are just too strong…after all, what is the one thing that all life on earth has in common? the need to reproduce. to multiply and continue the species. i’ve always been ruled by my emotions…maybe that’s just another symptom of being too close to my instincts.
whatever. i’m not sure where this is going, so i’m going to end it. :) hopefully the baby will be asleep soon, so i can sleep soon as well. if not, then i’ve got another book waiting in the wings to be started after i finish my current one.
until next time.

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Baby Babble and Awkward Questions

  • Posted on February 25, 2009 at 8:10 pm

i LOVE babies. they make my heartstrings play in double time. they are the perfect picture of innocence. the way they grab their little toes just because they can. the funny noises they make. my daughter spent about an hour laying in her crib last night making noises that i SWEAR sounded like a drowning wookie. holy cow it is adorable and TOO funny.

even now, she is sitting in her bouncy seat and making noises that would make a grown person blush to their roots. if a grown up started doing what she is doing right now they would be institutionialized. and put on incontinence medication. but when a baby does it, it is so CUTE.
[pause for a diaper change]
i like changing diapers. i like spoon-feeding another human being pureed veggies. i like kissing her little toes and being beat on the chest when she no-so-vocally gets hungry. only to my babies does the world revolve around me. i love being responsible for their happiness, and i love making them happy. there are bad times, and sad times, and pulloutmyhairihaveafuckingheadachewhywontitsleep times. i love it all. i love being a mommy.
currently, i’m running on my last baby. kinda like a recycled battery, i wonder what’s going to happen when she slowly fades…because that’s the wonderful and sad thing about having a baby. they fade away and morph into something else. i have a little taste of that with my son.
he definitely isn’t the baby he used to be…and MAN do i miss my little baby boy. he is forever lost to me…i’ll never get those big gummy smiles or sleepy snuggles back again, and if i think too hard about it i’ll get teary eyed, because K was one cute little baby.
it’s not a bad thing that my baby boy is gone…because looking at the little boy i know today, i know i wouldn’t trade him for that baby if i had the chance. he’s gaining his independance- he doesn’t rely on me 100% any more, and i don’t know every detail of his life like i used to. that’s okay though, because now we can talk- yeah, i know. he’s only 6. but if we can talk good together now, just imagine how interesting the conversations will be in ten years! he’s my little buddy. we play video games together and read books together and talk about interesting things together. and sometimes those things are really funny.
the other day, he realized he didn’t know how i got E out of my tummy. so he asked. such an innocent question, but soooo difficult to explain. he asked me if she was cut out of my tummy; i said no, because i know he has a thing about blood. his face visibly paled when he asked that question. poor kid almost passed out once when he cut himself once deep enough to bleed. i don’t want him associating having babies with pain and blood. well, at least not until he’s old enough to understand that the magic and wonder makes all the pain and blood worth it.
so i told him that i pushed her out. naturally, he couldn’t leave it at that. he had to ask me where she came out when i pushed. i told him i didn’t want to tell him because he’s just a little too young to know.
then he got to thinking that it was some big secret and kept going on and on about it. he started making a big deal about it, and it got to the point where i could see him going on the playground the next day and asking other kids or (goodness forbid) the teacher. so finally i said
Me: “you’re not gonna want to know honey, it’s kinda gross”
K: “just tell me. i just wanna know”
Me: “okay…well, mommies push babies out between their legs”
K: “ummm. OH. so they come from here?” [he points to the side of his thigh]
Me:”no honey. they come out mommies pee pees”
K:”ummmm. i’m trying not to say it. but. GROSS.”
Me [laughing uncomfortably] “that’s why i didn’t want to tell you sweetie. next time listen when i tell you something…i’m not gonna lie”
i swear, i tell him that last sentence all the time. he just doesn’t trust me. i suppose it offsets the perfect trust that our children as babies place in us. then when they’re teenagers they completely tip the scales so that we can spoil our grandchildren rotten and not feel bad about it at all.
back to the conversation…i suppose i had to tell him sometime. it’s not like i could avoid it forever, and to tell you the truth, i’m not sure why i was so embarassed to tell him how the baby came out. it’s not like i told him how she was made or something. (when he asked that question, i told him that daddy puts a seed in mommy’s tummy. when he wanted more info, i adamantly said NO) i’ve heard of women who actually let their young children sit in on the births of their siblings. i’m talkin’ 5 year olds watching their mommy huff and puff and scream while blood and amniotic fluid and other nasty unmentionables spurts out her nether-regions.
i, personally, would NEVER do that to a child, and honestly think any woman who would do that to their kid should be beat in the head. repeatedly. besides, my blood-sensitive boy would probably pass out or throw up.
early in my pregnancy i was sitting on the couch watching “a baby story”. when we got the the labor part, the woman was screaming in typical labor fashion…K asked me if having a baby hurt, and i said “yes, but it’s okay because the baby is worth it”. he started bawling. i asked him why he was crying, and he told me that he didn’t want me to hurt like that to get the baby out. i immediately switched the channel, never watched a show like that again, and did my best to distract him until he forgot about the incident. thankfully he did.
well. i’ve procrastinated enough. i have 3 gigantic loads of laundry to fold. gah. ah, the darkside of motherhood. i can handle the dishes, and the floors, i don’t even mind washing diapers, but for some reason i HATEHATEHATE folding laundry. maybe because it’s just damn pointless….some of these clothes i’m about to spend a lot of time folding won’t even make it to the dresser drawers before they’re dirty again. meh.
enough scattered babbling.
i’m out.

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Cloth Diapering, Baby Wearing, Co-Sleeping, Breastfeeding, Homeschooling Mama

  • Posted on at 10:16 am

no, not really. not that i haven’t tried all of those at one time. it’s not because of some subconsious desire to become a modern tree hugging environmentally conscious hippie, it’s just because they all sound like really good ideas. okay, not the co-sleeping. but last night i swear, i didn’t have a choice. i let E nap in her PnP until i went to bed, then stealthily moved her to her crib. okay, not so stealthily- i still had to nurse her to get her back to sleep. then she got up at 1:30 (i can handle that) and again at 4:45. i could have handled that, except she didn’t want to go back to sleep… i also couldn’t just let her lay there talking and yelling to herself while K is trying to sleep. so i stuck her on top of my bed covers (with her own blanket covering her) between J and me, and proceeded to rub that soft downy fur on top of her head until she fell back asleep. couple that with K waking me up again when it was time for him to go to school to say he tied his shoes all by himself- (YAY!) this morning i was so tired, we woke up at 8, but i couldn’t muster the energy to drag myself out of bed until 8:30. have i ever mentioned that i hate mornings??? but at least she slept successfully in her own crib for more than 2 hours at a time. yeah.

now that i’ve covered that, i should probably put in an explanation for my damn near hippie ways.
i don’t like co sleeping. i wake up at least every ten minutes in a panic wondering if i’ve smothered the baby. really. i know that i won’t- i am very careful as to how i position her and myself, but it doesn’t stop the tired mind from wandering down dark paths. i only do it when i’m desperate, and 5 months spent in a state of complete exhaustion will drive any woman down desperate paths. in any case, i won’t have her in the bed for more than 1 hour, or a quick nap. besides, i do NOT want her getting into the habit of sleeping with mommy…a four year old who can not sleep alone is just not an option for me. sorry.
moving on to cloth diapering. my favorite subject! mostly because i am new to it, and it’s still in the shiny new phase for me. i really, really wish i had done it from the start with E- i just didn’t realize how easy really was until i heard stories from other ladies with babies the same age as E. my MIL CD’d J, and she’s always going on and on about how hard she had it. “i was always dunking and squeezing and dunking my hands were so red and chapped” blah blah blah. of course when put that way i’m not going to try it! but i had no idea that modern cloth diapers looked more like disposables, and didn’t involve plastic. they are, in fact, awfully cute. the fleece liner on the inside allows solids to plop right off (or spray off, for the breast fed baby) and the waterproof PuL material on the outside comes in cute colors and prints and really is completely waterproof, soft and flexible. they actually leak LESS than disposables, and i haven’t had a problem with diaper rash YET. (she had it ALL THE TIME with ‘spoises) i have just over 24 diapers, and they are more than enough to get me through 3 days without washing them, if i wanted to. not that i do, because let’s face it, a bucketful of pee soaked diapers can start to stink. oh, and of course there’s the whole “saving our landfills” thing. but the MOST important part??? i did the math, and i will be saving OVER $700 if E is in diapers until she is 3 years old. the truth revealed! my main reason for my hippie ways? SAVING MONEY. that moves us on to breastfeeding.
yes, it’s very healthy for the baby. yeah, it’s been known to help prevent breast cancer in women who BF more than 6 months. (or is it weeks?) yes, it is also helping me lose weight. i am burning between 500-1000 calories a day just producing milk alone. i have lost over 30 lbs since being pregnant, and am actually UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight without having lifted a finger to excercise. don’t get too jealous, or start thinking i’m bragging- my ass is so saggy from lack of muscle tone that my pants fit my waist and are baggy in the ass. even my legs have gotten so skinny and flabby that my own husband said that i shouldn’t wear short skirts or shorts this summer unless i start working out now. oh, and there’s the fact that i STILL have a pooch on my belly. not because i’m over weight, but because the skin has been so stretched out, that even an ounce of fat looks like a pound. and lemme tell ya, i have more than an ounce on there! but i digress. back to the benefits of BFing. i’ve saved the most important for last. i have saved TONS of money. do you have any idea how expensive formula is??? i don’t. i’ve never even priced it out, but i hear people complaining about it all the time. i’m actually a little sad about starting E on solids because then i’ll actually have to start buying food for her.
baby wearing. what is baby wearing? it’s when mamas wear their babies in a sling, wrap, or those complicated harness thingys. i tried it. i own a sling- but not because i wanted it, because it was a hand me down from a woman who never used it. i never used it either. it was just damn uncomfortable to me. some people LOVE those things, but it just wasn’t for me. i DID, however, go out and spend a ton of money on a wrap. it was really cute, and we looked adorable in it together, but it made my back feel like someone was driving a railroad spike into it. not fun. not to mention it was a bitch to get on. so, while i did try out the baby wearing thing (because it really does look comfortable and conveinent) it just didn’t work for me. i’m currently crying over the lost $$$.
and finally home-schooling. i’ve considered it. i mean hell, i’m a stay at home mom- i should be able to do what is best for my children despite the time involved in making it happen, right? luckily we currently live in a good school system, so i don’t have to worry about that yet. but if we ever move, i’m going to have to make the commitment. don’t worry- they’ll be involved in sports, and i already have plans for joining play groups and stuff, but i will NOT have my children’s self esteem rot away in a shitty public school system, thank you.
and that concludes this morning’s rants and raves.
E says:
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The Sleep Solution Decoded

  • Posted on February 23, 2009 at 9:56 am

so. we’ve already had a taste of my darling boy. my first born. forever my baby and always a mama’s boy. just in case you don’t know already, he is 6 years old, in kindergarten, and was the most easy going easy baby to take care of you can possibly imagine. we had our moments, but for the most part i couldn’t have asked for a better child. :) on here, he is affectionately known as “K”. since you’ve already met him, we’ll move on to my next spawn….

affectionately known as “E”, she is a firecracker of the most explosive sort…one second happy, one second sad, so adorable it makes my heart hurt, and so difficult i sometimes wonder if she does the things she does just to see my reaction. even now, she is sitting in her playpen with a paci in her mouth staring at me and yelling. just yelling. but ooooooh is she cute while she does it. during the day she yells a lot, but for the most part is smiley and happy as long as she is where she wants to be, and doing what she wants to do. bed time is a thing of nightmares. she gets up every hour, and often wakes up at 5 in the morning and stays up. for those of you who don’t know me personally, i am a night owl. i hate mornings. i would sleep straight through them if i could. but i’m a mom, and have been for the past six and a half years….late mornings are a thing of the past.
back to the sleep thing. so my daughter is 7 months old. for the first two months of her life, she slept GREAT. woke up twice in the night, and slept ’til 7ish. then something changed. i thought it was her reflux medicine not working, so we went through a slew of doctors appointments with no change in her sleep behavior. recently, we doubled the dose of her current medication, and while her behavior during the day changed dramatically for the better, her sleep at night didn’t. finally after gaining many new wrinkles under my eyes and sleep deprivation of epic levels, i decided to move to the couch with her in the pack n play next to me. i didn’t do it for me- because obviously, the couch with her next to me isn’t going to change anything. but for the other occupants of the house? oh yes. my 6 year old son has bags and dark circles under his eyes because our bedroom (where the baby is sleeping) is close enough to his room that he wakes up every time she does. my heart broke every time i looked at him because he was so tired. i’m a mom- i’m wired to deal with sleep deprivation. heck, i volunteered for it! but a 6 year old little boy just doesn’t need that kind off crap yet, you know?
so i moved. 3 nights ago we started sleeping in the livingroom. the wood stove fan is on all night, so we have lots of white noise, and we’re far enough away that her cries won’t wake every occupant in the house. here’s the kicker. she has only gotten up once a night since we moved!!! after two days of her sleeping great, i thought maybe the reason she can’t sleep in our bedroom is because we have a gas heater that kicks on, then off, then on again all night. it’s kinda noisy. maybe it wakes her up? afterall, she didn’t start sleeping like crap until after it got cold outside. so i moved her to her crib in K’s room last night (which we so far only use for naps during the day) and she woke up screaming at 10 when J (my husband) got a shower. so i moved her back to the livingroom. she woke up once after that, and slept until 7!
i think she is an EXTREMELY light sleeper. the fan in the livingroom is really loud, so i think it drowns out nearly all the little creaks, taps, and groans of the house at night. i think i’m going to have to start researching into a decent noise machine for her, because i really want her to sleep in her own room. (the keyword there being SLEEP) i’m sick of not sleeping. i’m sick of the couch. i don’t mind getting up once or twice at night to nurse her, but 6 times a night is ridiculous!
anyways, the whole point of this long narrative was to say that i think we finally figured out why she has such a hard time sleeping at night. i’ll get back to you when i figure out just what to do about it. :)

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