Nobody's Nothings

when i was 18 years old i was dating a boy who was interning at Disney World. he treated me like dirt when we were alone, but his mom flew me to Orlando and he used a few free passes he had acquired to allow me to visit him halfway through his 3 month stint as an intern. that was the first time i had to handle an airport by myself as an adult. naturally, i was young and naive so i wanted to look my best for my idiot boyfriend when he saw me for the first time in weeks. i wore high-heeled black boots, a black mini skirt and a might-as-well-been-spray-painted-on black sleeveless shirt. i also wore a large jacket to hide in because i was uncomfortable wearing an outfit that made me look like a classy hooker. when i got to security, they made me take my jacket off and stand on a pedestal while they used the wand to try and detect little bits of metal on my person. (there were none) i had to spread my legs, and open my arms wide while a very embarrassed looking balding older man tried not to brush my bits-n-pieces. at 18, i was at the peak of my physical existence… i hadn’t yet let my cardio fitness decline. i was strong from walking up 3 flights of dorm room stairs several times a day and being field commander of my college band. i also had awesome genetics on my side that allowed for an abundance of curves in all the right places. pregnancy hadn’t yet put it’s mark in my skin, and children hadn’t yet put lines around my eyes. responsibility hadn’t yet given me a bleak outlook on life, and practicality hadn’t yet taken the place of fashion. i didn’t even have acne yet. don’t get me wrong… i still hated myself back then as much as i do now, but my shoulders were a world lighter back then.

while embarrassed looking older gentleman was waving the wand over my body, i heard from one of the women further back in line say “if i had a body like that, i’d stand like that all the time.” of course, i blushed 20 different shades of red and didn’t say anything… but it’s one of those moments that will forever be stuck in my brain. i just don’t get a lot of random compliments. especially nowadays, with my tired eyes and two children following dutifully behind. or running wild as i scream and try to corral them. *coughHERcough*

i don’t know why that particular memory popped into my head this morning… perhaps it’s because i’ve been thinking about what clothes i’ll be packing when i visit my inlaws this summer? i was thinking about a nice khaki dress i wanted to bring, but then i realized if i want to bring it, i’ll have to wear it on the plane. i was trying to decide if wearing a short dress to an airport with kids would be worth having the dress with me on vacation… and after remembering the tall flight of metal see-through stairs we had to climb down from one of the planes, i decided i’ll just have to live without it. it was difficult enough to travel wearing a skirt without kids. i’m a grown up now… and a mom at that. casual business attire for me is something comfortable, flexible, and something i’m not afraid to get dirty. my days of black mini skirts and even casual khaki dresses are WAY behind me.

oh, to be young again.