Nobody's Nothings Life, the Universe and Everything

today while i was sitting in the waiting room of the dentist’s office (my son still doesn’t have any cavities, good boy!) we got the call. the call we’ve been waiting on all month. the 48 hour “okay to close” notice. whichever one of you pulled your strings and helped the almighty to hear my prayer… THANKYOU! the timing is great.

we’ll close on Friday, and move in over the weekend.

the crazy part? this weekend is apparently the week in which college students all over the world go back to school, so there isn’t a U-Haul available within a 100 mile radius of our city. that’s okay… i’m just glad we’re finally allowed to worry about things like that. we’re gonna have to get creative, but my husband always pulls through somehow.

oh, and i may have an ear infection and/or headcold… at least, that’s what the ache and fluid in my ears tells me. not to worry, a little extra vitamin C and i’ll be right as rain. the thing that really matters, is that we’re finally going to CLOSE ON OUR HOME. i’m hoping for smooth sailing from here on out… (hoping, but not really hopeful) we’ve earned that much, haven’t we? to be honest, i was actually beginning to wonder if my medication was making it impossible for me to feel happiness. it’s just so unnatural for me to go throughout the day without smiling even once, i thought it had to be the meds. but it wasn’t. my lips curved upward along with the burden i was carrying when i listened to my realtor tell us we were clear to close. right now i definitely have words for how i feel… profound relief. we’re moving forward again, and that feels so damn good.

unfortunately for the internet, that means light posting on every social network medium i use, including my blog. i hope you’re okay with that. i promise i’ll post a few pictures as soon as we get everything moved from one house to the other.

with any luck, by Monday i’ll be whining about all the unpacking i’m having to do….

peacelovencoffee,

Nobody

Continue reading aaaand, The Miracle!

yes, i’ve completely run out of words. i’m sure you’ve noticed. things haven’t just sucked around here lately… they’ve been epic terrible. a few “high” points of the week:

-i’m still driving MILs car. luckily, the spoiled milk smell has dissapated… unfortunately, it has been replaced with a really funk-tastic unwashed body smell emanating from the air conditioner. running the air conditioner for a few minutes with the windows open usually takes care of it.

-today is the last day in the contract extension for the house. if we don’t get papers to sign from the bank today, we may lose the house. the current homeowners may even lose the house. i hope that the person whose desk those papers are sitting on rots in a hell of their own making for at least as long as they’ve made us suffer. (we’re already pre-approved, all they have to do is review and sign. lazy bastards)

-new student registration is next week. i don’t want to have my son switch schools mid-year, but it looks like i may have no choice. if we have to find another house to buy, that will certainly be the case. my heart hurts for him, when i think of him having to adjust to yet another school, with new sets of friends, in the middle of the year.

-the only thing that has changed in me since beginning medication is my fatigue level. it’s doubled. the doctor wants me to give it another week, and if i don’t improve… double my dosage and see what that does. fun times, no? it’s difficult to pinpoint the cause of my various physical problems, since my stress levels have also doubled. there’s no telling what’s the result of stress and what’s the result of the medication.

-little things keep going wrong. i’m sure you know that when there’s one really big thing that’s wrong, all the little things are like taking little grains of salt and rubbing them in the wound.

at this point, i think i’ve actually gone numb. as i mentioned earlier, i have completely run out of words. every time i try to find a way to describe how i feel, i start with “i just…..” and words fail me every time. i always picture myself as Wile E. Coyote, running full speed ahead filled with victorious anticipation in finally catching the Road Runner. my feelings are best described by the facial expression he gets just as he realizes he’s run off the cliff, and he’s already started plunging to the bottom of a ravine. i’ve gone beyond disappointment, depression, fear and hopelessness. at this point, i’m just existing. i’m waiting for the storm to pass. i know it will… it always does. i’m just waiting to hit the bottom so i can dust myself off and start moving forward again.

i’m lucky, because i still know what matters. i know that it’s not which house we come home to, but the fact that we have a house to come home to. i know it’s not which car i drive, but the fact that i have a car to drive. i know that whenever my husband’s work holds him out for another day, we’ll get paid for that extra day. we have food in our pantry and shoes on our feet. we have friends, we have family, and we have each other. my son’s schooling may be uncertain, our living situation may be uncertain, and i may not have a car in my own name, but i have my husband’s arms around my shoulders when i need them, a dog to climb in my lap when i want her to, and beautiful children to cuddle and kiss and laugh with whenever i want to.

i have what matters. i am lucky.

i just wish that all the work we’ve done in the past few months to better our quality of life, meant something.

Continue reading Hoping For a Miracle